1. Be calm and accept you are probably sitting on a pile of fresh dump.
2. Once you accept, try to slowly get up and when you do manage to stand straight, make sure you dont look back.
3. Carefully distance yourself from the shit and change everything that came in contact with the filth.
5. Remember, shit happens. You would probably fall into shit again. The trick is, never to fall on the same shit load twice.
6. Follow your guts. Poop making machines give subtle indications. Listen to your inner voice.
7. There is absolutely no shame in accepting that you probably couldn’t identify shit disguised as chocolate mousse.
8. Never lose your faith in humour. Shit happens. Get up, learn, have a good laugh and get going.