Where i live is the outskirts of Jaipur. Its secluded, full of trees and hardly anyone ever passes by unless they are here for some work in Digantar or have come to the farm house next to our campus. And yes, there is also a plant nursery here. So, apart from these 3 destinations, one doesnt always take this off road and come into what seems from the main road, complete wilderness.
Trees, greenery, solace, tranquility… you name it and its here. Perfect.
Perfect for us, to live in a haven like this, away from the city pollution and the noise and the honking.
This place is also perfect for a lot of couples who we suddenly come across in the middle of a passionate moment. Generally people get awkward seeing them in action and i have witnessed a number of hilarious incidents which i cheekily later narrate to my friends.
Sometimes we get irritated, ask them to leave, sometimes we feel insecure because we dont really know how they are going to react to us saying this road is not a public way and meant for all this but what comes again and again to my mind is, what makes these people (mostly young couples) come to such secluded and lonely spots inspite of a risk of security. Why they think there is a need to hide?
The reasons might be a few.
1. Moral policing has gone to another level in our country. A couple sitting together holding hands is looked down upon, people being in love and not married is equivalent to a sin committed and a male and a female indulging in anything remotely physical is a crime punishable by every one.
2. Often seen in such cases, the crowd takes the shape of a mob and bullies the couple, misbehaving and abusing thus questioning the mortality of the so called moral police.
I often wonder what makes us so shy of exploring our sexuality even though we have a rapidly growing population? Our population is data enough to say with conviction that behind closed doors, the society is not sex shy. But, the moment one steps out, even holding hands is considered a sexual sin.
3. Another interesting aspect that I have noticed especially as a female is, it is often understood that when a man and woman indulge in sexual activities , it is the man who enjoys more as compared to the female. This notion is rampant in our society. This also affects the mind sets and confidence of the females when they just want to be left free from judgement and explore their own selves and discover the physical aspect of a relationship. They somehow have this guilt that what they are doing is probably not morally right and the society often almost makes them feel guilty as if for even having honrmones! This then leads to the need to hide,the preference of finding solace in a secluded space, being scared and guilty all the time.
What happene often is, the youth is starved of any normal contact of the opposite sex and this leads to some desperate measures from both the sides.
Our Psychology ma’am once told us in a class that she wonders why and how women like to get married to the first man that they come in contact with. She said one first must know what the opposite sex is, explore, discover and then make an informed decision not because you met a man but, because you liked that particular man. Or woman, in case of men.
As students and fresh out of school, we loved what she said and somehow later, also understood why she said what she said.
The whole taboo related to the physicality often leads to some very messed up instances like girls wanting to be with a guy just because they explored each other or men thinking it is a way to have an upper hand with a girl if they indulge together and many more such things.
We are the land of the kamasutra. Our societies are anything but asexual. I wonder why and how we have come to this where holding hands, walking with your loved ones with your hand around their waist, hugging and just expressing love or sexuality is considered a sin.
As a society we need to open up. Open up for discussions, for acceptance, for respect, for dissent and for letting people just be.