Thought snippet ~ 2

If a section of population walks in constant fear of being touched,

If half the population develops an instinct to put their hands in front of their breasts to protect themselves while walking in a crowd,

If a gender makes plans, chooses colleges, takes up jobs, makes career choices keeping in mind the unsafe distance they would be required to commute,

If the choices a particular section makes are encouraged to be less ambitious as compared to the other section,

its a long walk to gender equality.

The so called society and their norms tend to pull a section down in the name of religion, country’s pride, family and honour.

So this is for anyone who feels things needs to change but the surroundings tend to plant a seed of doubt in the mind. Keep moving, keep fighting, keep questioning till we can walk, talk and choose without any pressures and judgements.

Respectfully not respecting

For the longest time, we have been afraid. Afraid to have an opinion, afraid to voice our doubts, afraid to feel and slowly afraid to even think something that doesn’t confirm to the age old or popular views.

In a workshop a few weeks ago, i was in a discussion where a person said if something doesn’t confirm with what our elders believe in, then we shouldn’t say such things out of “respect” to them.

Respect is a word which I feel is highly misinterpreted as well as grossly misused.

If I believe in something that suppose a person X doesn’t believe in, am I disrespecting that person? Now that person could be my parent, my grandparent, my husband, my child my anything. How is exercising a person’s right to have opinions and voicing them being “disrespectful “?

There are so many things which I have zero respect for. There are so many things in the world I cannot ever respect. There are parts in almost every religion where even if i tried, I wont ever be able to respect the line of thought. There are people whose thoughts I cannot ever respect. Thats the truth.

Another truth is, even if I don’t respect a particular person’s thoughts, a particular religion’s ideology, a trend, I would no matter what, at any cost still respect their right to exist.

Not respecting a thought is not the same as disrespecting that thought. Thats what we need to remember.

The word respect cannot be used to silence opinions.

In matters of having different opinions, I have till now come across three kinds of people. Those who say voicing any opinion against a person, doctrine or tradition is being disrespectful , those who say one can have a different opinion but what’s the need to express that opinion out loud? And those who say voicing opinions of dissent is as essential as having having traditions, cultures and doctrines in the first place.

As humanity is evolving, it seems humans are becoming more and more conservative in terms of associations, in terms of sticking to a particular line of thought, in terms of following traditions and religions by labelling dissent or a difference in opinion as being “disrespectful “.

It seems a lot of us are afraid to dissent simply because dissent gives a person the opportunity to think rationally for the reason of the dissent and be able enough to communicate it well. This process results in clarity of thought and logical approach in life. But, it also seems to shake the foundations of a lot of people, ideas, traditions and religions. Hence, the word “respect”.

Respect goes both ways. Respecting the other’s opinion and respecting the right of the other to have that opinion is how things should work. But, the moment we start expecting the other person to either not express dissent or agree with one particular view, at that very moment, we are disrespecting a human being’s existence as an independent, rational and able being.

So, its not a sin to not respect something. Also, it is indeed a sin to not respect the right to exist of that something.

Know the difference.

My Musings ~ 18

Actions do speak louder than words. Words have a tendency to confuse us but its the actions that bring clarity in life. The clarity of what the reality actually holds while words are busy blurring the vision.

Every now and then comes a moment of clarity. When you understand what has been happening around you, when you make sense of it all and when you see actions and stop hearing the words.

Once those words are ignored and the reality is seen, the naked truth dances in front of us smiling. Smiling because it has been there all along but we were busy trying desperately to create an alternate reality with only the words that we wanted to hear, cherry picking the parts we wanted to believe in.

Every relationship, every stage in life has two faces. Words and reality. Try and differentiate between the two. Try to listen and see, both. For many a times our heart plays little tricks and doesn’t let us see the whole picture.

Once the reality kicks in, soak it in. Completely accept it. Its okay to feel deceived, disrespected and a fool. The world is not a bed of roses with a couple of cake walks adding up in the math of life. People, things and situations do tend to deceive. Accept it and let go. Letting go is important. It clears the heart and mind of any doubts. Closure is necessary to know and feel and embrace the reality. Letting go of people, letting go of feelings and letting go of parts of your own self which become toxic, is a gift you should often pamper yourself with.

We hold on to things, we hold on to people, we hold on to beliefs and we hold on to non existent situations and cling to them with all our heart and soul wishing wildly for them to be our reality.

A job we think we are happy in because its giving us money. Thats the words speaking. The feeling you get each morning before going to work, the thoughts you get while watching the sunset, is the reality. Similarly, A person you have known for a while. Be it a friend or a colleague or a neighbour. Speaks highly of you. Thats words. You sometimes feel some of the words are hollow, thats reality.

Before going to bed, when you close your eyes, the way you feel for people, situations and things, is the reality. When it strikes, dont think twice before grabbing that fleeting thought and making hard choices in life.

Its never about what situations or people are saying. Its always about how they are making you feel. So, if you want to listen, listen to your inner voice. Not the pompous noises and the distractions for actions would always as a rule, speak louder than the words.

Let go of all that is toxic. Embrace your peace of mind. Respect yourself and count on choosing yourself over hollow words and false situations on any given day.

Let go and smile.

🍻

PS: this picture was clicked by me in Burano, Italy. Looking at this scene, standing and staring at what seemed like infinity, I had a moment of clarity. This moment, is one of the few moments in my life which I cant ever forget. On this day, I listened. To myself.

To those who dare

Malaika Arora’s name dropped Khan a while ago. Since then, she moved on, her ex husband moved on but it seems the society’s guardian angels couldn’t move on.

They couldn’t fathom the fact that a woman and a man who lived together for almost 2 decades, had a child, could separate amicably and the woman didn’t cut a sorry figure at all. In fact, she remained poised. She chose to live with dignity, chose her path on her own terms and she found love again. And if all this wasn’t enough to shake up the angel nest, the woman is not ashamed to express that love, embrace the glow that love brings with it and doesn’t shy away from being happy.

Now now now. THAT is way more than any of the angels guarding our society can handle. It shatters our culture. It questions our traditions. It gives the woman the title of an individual rather than wife of/ daughter of/ mother of. And that, is a scary situation.

So, what do the self employed minions of the guardian angel brigade do? They troll. Yes, the mighty keyboard warriors attack the woman from behind fake accounts and super filtered insecurity laden display pictures.

Every single time the woman posts anything on Instagram, she gets abused, insulted, is name called. I am posting with this article some of the comments the woman got. They go from speculating if her vagina needs tightening, whether her boobs are perky and if they are, how on earth can that be because she is a mother and was married to someone. Almost every 4th comment is from a preacher. I would call these people the Desi Gyan Babas who advice Malaika Arora on how to dress, how to behave, how to laugh, how to live, how to breathe, how to have sex.

I have been following Malaika Arora for a while now on Instagram. I noticed the abuses a while back. I kept seeing them. I kept reading abusive comments and kept thinking how this woman finds the strength to live and dares to be happy even after getting such hatred. Then, I tried telling myself maybe it isnt so bad. So I did a little experiment. I picked up random pictures of hers. I scrolled down their comment sections and bam! Every picture that she posts ends up getting comments on her body parts and her sex life. Every single one. But why?

It seems most of the people and here men and women both are included, are obsessed with women who dare. Bringing down such women is the sole pillar it seems on which the culture of the entire society rests. A woman who is not meek, submissive, doesn’t bow down to patriarchy and has courage more than there are female centric abuses, is a great threat to our nation.

Forget about our neighbours. Forget about our foreign policies. The whole future of our mighty nation it seems, rests in controlling women’s vaginas.

I have never seen men getting trolled for choosing to move on. I have never seen men getting subjected to abuses of this calibre for dating a younger female. I haven’t come across a single forum where people target the man’s ability to have an erection and satisfy his partner because he was once married to another female. Divorced men are never considered worn out. They are considered pros. So when they move on from one relationship to another, they aren’t burnt out. They are more practiced. But, it seems in case of women, once a man sleeps with her, her life should revolve either around him or being sad if they break up and never have another intimate relationship because hey, burnt out, remember?

This post is dedicated to all the women who dare. To all the women who choose to move ahead. To all the women who don’t settle for anything lesser than what they deserve. To women who choose happiness and to women who fight every single day to be themselves. To all the women who would get down to the battle field in future be it in their minds or in their lives.

Respect.

That day, is today

That day, is today.

The one you promised would be for you.

The one that you assured would be about you.

The one that you planned would be for your happiness.

That day, is today.

That walk, is today.

The one you promised would be for your dreams.

The one you assured would be for you.

The one that you planned would be for your own life.

That walk, is today.

You are you, today.

Like you weren’t yesterday.

Like you wont be tomorrow.

Like you wanted to be since the longest of times.

You are you, today.

Seize the day

Seize the moment

Seize what is yours

Seize your own life

And never let it go

For the metamorphosis starts today.