I Am Me

Though this monologue is there in my blog posts, I wanted to share the video i made of the same.

If you guys like it, do share!

YouTube link for the same is given below for sharing.

Hope you all like it!

Modern Family, you would be missed 💔

Today, I saw the last episode of Modern Family.

The episode aired 2 days ago ( i think ) but something kept me from watching it. Watching this episode would mean there would be no other episodes to watch of this incredible series. There would be no rolling of the eyes by Alex, no dumb acts by Luke, no sassy moments involving Gloria, no blissful ignorance of Haley, no over dramatic moments from Mitch and Cam’s life, no goof ups from Phil, no hyperactivity from Clair, no cute layered emotions coming from Jay, no man-like moments from Manny’s life and no witty one-liners by Lily.

I stumbled upon Modern Family when it was on it’s second season. Since the first day, first episode that I watched of this series, it has done nothing but made me laugh, cry and “see” things their way.

The last episode (season 11, episode 18) was simply titled “Finale” and there were more than 3 occasions where I teared up and just wanted to give everyone a BIG hug.

When you watch a series like Modern Family, before you realise it, you become a part of an incredible family and just kind of get to know the members like you’d know in your own family.

This series has done a great job bringing laughter to our homes, making us sensitive towards diversity, helping us embrace the different forms and genres of love and affection and setting an example of what being a family member actually means.

I won’t be giving any spoilers here. All I would say is, whenever you watch the episode, keep a couple of tissues handy and be prepared to say one of the hardest goodbyes of your life.

Lockdown Day – 16 New normal or the old normal?

Was it normal to be stuck in the mad rush that we made our lives,

Or is it normal to finally being able to take things slow?

Was it normal to not be able to spend enough time in the home that we created,

Or is it normal to be home and step out only when necessary?

Was it normal to not being able to listen to our own family members for months on end,

Or is it normal to rediscover the people that we live with?

Was it normal to shift from home cooked meals to take-it-on-the-go meals that we picked up on our way to work,

Or is it normal to enjoy the healthy nutritious home cooked meals?

Was it normal to see a shop and just go on a buying spree,

Or is it normal to discover how superficial all the fancy brands and labels actually are?

Was it normal to be so busy that for months on end people didn’t get the “time” to simply sit in the sun,

Or is it normal to discover how absolutely gorgeous it is to just lie out in the sun?

Maybe we lost touch with “normal” a long time ago

And needed a virus to jerk us back into the reality.

Lockdown Day – 14 Azaan.. Gaana?

Today was a crazy busy day. How technology has made sure everyone stays connected, is amazing. The only relief in the lockdown work from home scenario is, I can work all day wearing my shorts. For an online workshop today, I got dressed in a shirt and shorts. How peaceful and comfortable that is!

Right after the evening session of the workshop got over, as I was sitting on my terrace, I heard the sound of azaan. Hearing the azaan so clearly, my two year old asked me : mumma, gaana? (Song?)

I told her no, its azaan. She again asked : azaan gaana? Then again I told her no azaan. After the third time, I simply didn’t correct her again. Who am I to tell her what to make of the sounds that she hears? I love the peter patter of the rain and to me, its music. I love the leaves of the trees ruffling and I feel that’s music too. The waves in the sea make their own music. Who am I to correct someone who is just figuring out the world and almost every day is coming across something new and amusing?

My daughter is just 2 and its too soon to explain to her the difference between music and songs (gaana) and she has no concept of religion or prayer since we are non believers and don’t pray at all.

I am looking forward to the day I would slowly introduce the different religions of the world to her. I try and remember how my parents did that. My earliest encounter with religion was not prayer or me being told there is a God. It was more on the lines of how a lot of people have different faiths and how the world functions. I was never told what my religion is and I never saw my parents praying. For me, religion was more to do with the concepts, historical aspects and not superstitions and it definitely wasn’t something that I couldn’t question. The concept of God or Allah or Bhagwan was left on me to be understood. Whenever I asked my parents about God and its existence, they never gave me any answers as the final truth. They left that to me to figure out. By the time I was in 12th standard, i had read Quran, Bible and Geeta. I had zillions of questions and thats how my love for world history began.

The quest to find answers led me to the two most interesting parts of my life.

1. World history

2. The mysteries of the universe

The world history made me sensitive, helped me in understanding my present and the mysteries of the universe taught me to look at the bigger picture and see beyond religions and Gods and basically, made me an atheist.

That was my journey. I am curious to see how the journey unfolds for my daughter. All I intend to do is, give her examples of logical thinking and logically seeing life and help her in becoming a rational human being. Rest, it’s her journey. For now, yeah, azaan.. gaana.

Lockdown Day – 13 My must watch series list

1. The Keepers

This is a series based on real life events. It would send chills down your spine and you would feel absolutely appalled by the hand in glove friendship that is shown in this docu series between the Church and the State.

How men in influential positions in the Church get away with sexually assaulting more than 100 girls (who complained as women) would leave you perplexed and angry.

2. Unbelievable

Unbelievable is a limited series based on real life events. How it sensitively shows the incapability of the system to be sensitive towards rape victims is devastating, to say the least. How people in powerful and in positions of authority can misuse their power based on their own biases, is depicted in a very crisp manner.

3. Narcos

I don’t think i need to give any introduction to this series. All i can say is, the latest season ( Narcos: Mexico) is as good as the first season. Based on true events, it would pop your eyes wide open when you “see” the amount of dirty money these drug cartels floated in. So, go cabaron! Go and watch it!

4. Dirty John

Dirty John is again, based on true events. Starring Eric Bana in the sleazy role of a con man conning a rich woman is quite a shift from his good-man image that I had in my mind. The series is engaging, not too dark, the story line gripping and is not at all gloomy.

5. The Blacklist

Now now now. I might be biased but, I am completely blown away by the character Raymond Reddington played by James Spader. What a performance, what a carefully carved character, what amazing subtle humour. I love the series and have been an ardent fan as well as follower of this series since the past 6 years. In short, it has an interesting storyline woven around FBI, a blacklist of criminals and an international fugitive.

6. Queen of the South

I am not at all ashamed to admit I have a girl crush on the lead, Alice Braga. Anyhow, Queen of the South revolves around the world of drug cartels and how a woman who had no plans to enter the world of cocaine finds herself fighting for survival and in the process becomes a feared drug lord herself. Its a good catchy upbeat series. The perfect combination of crime and a good storyline.

7. House

Those of you who like subtle dark intelligent ruthless humour, would love the series. House is not just a series. This series would grow onto you and you would love every bit of the guy that House is. You would also hate him but you’d hate him to the extent of falling in love with him. The series revolves around the life of a brilliant doctor, House. There is an element of crime, detective activities and superb sarcastic humour.

8. Absentia

Absentia is a series focussing on an FBI agent who suddenly reappears 6 years after having disappeared while hunting a serial killer. She has no memory, no idea of where she has been, what she had been upto and to add to the misery, finds her world completely changed. Its her story, her fight to get to the truth, no matter how hard and bitter that might be.

9. McMafia

McMafia is an American crime thriller involving a Russian family with a very colourful past. How a young man, who has considered himself a good American all his life finds himself fighting for his life in Moscow, is a story you have got to watch. The metamorphosis of the young man into a cool headed criminal mastermind is somewhat similar to The Godfather’s Michael. Good strong storyline and nail biting moments make this series a must watch.

10. Grey’s Anatomy

Now, this is one series that I hope would never end. Every episode is unique and so humane. I love the series for it’s inclusivity, its sensitivity and humane treatment of all the aspects of life. Be it love, passion, career, LGBTQ rights, rape, equality, marriage, relationships, friendship, it has got it all covered. If you are feeling low and desperate in these lockdown times, watch ANY episode of Grey’s and you would feel much much better. Trust me on this one.

Lockdown Day – 12 Saying Hi to self

Reaching a stage in life where one realises the self’s potential and capabilities as well as the shortcomings and the weaknesses, is the time when one can say, “I have started to realise what i deserve in life”.

I always listened to people using the phrase “ I have arrived” with a sense of curiosity and amusement. I always wondered when do people feel that, what makes them say such a big thing?

If I look at my life, I could say with confidence what I want and what I dont want for me, fairly recently. Maybe, about 2 years ago was the first time I felt the organic need to express my emotions in a way that defined me as a person. The time when i started making decisions aligned to my own personality and not other’s expectations. And it wasn’t because someone told me something or I achieved something but, simply because something inside me told me loud and clear, that today, I am closer to being the person I always wanted to be, than ever before.

There is a difference between realising one’s personality and achieving one’s dreams.

I have a lot of dreams. A lot of passions and an insane amount of why-nots influencing the decisions in my life. I have just started, just realised that my life is a canvass which I can paint with my own choice of colours and make a masterpiece. And the choice of colours and the final masterpiece i make , i now know would be influenced by a lot of factors but would be my choices ultimately.

We all have a canvass called life. Even when we say we dont have a choice, we are actually making a choice. Our not taking a decision has always been a decision too. It is with these colours of decisions, thoughts and conflicts that we paint our life’s canvass and I intend to paint mine with an insane and obscene amount of colours.

Each one of us has the potential to realise what we want from us, what are our expectations from ourselves. All we have to do is, listen. Till the time we don’t listen to our own selves, we would never be able to realise what we want.

Lockdown Day – 11 Food!

Since the lockdown, I have started putting my efforts and energy into coming up with healthy and nutritious food and have also started baking.

Baking is something I used to do on and off because of lack of time but now I do it every alternate day.

This blog is just about some pictures that I have clicked of my makes and bakes.

I don’t follow any recipe exactly because I always use healthy alternatives and try and make the dishes as nutritious as possible without compromising on the taste. So, if anyone wants any recipes, just leave a message and i would get back to you.

This blog is just about food pictures!

Hummus with tahini (my version)

Whole wheat Carrot cake

Wheat Lasagna

Whole wheat cake

Coconut and oat laddoos

Whole wheat banana walnut cake

Haka noodles

None of my dishes have all purpose flour ( i always use wholewheat) and I never use sugar in my cakes. I use alternatives like honey or jaggery.

Everyone has their own “normal”

For the longest time ( 2 years to be exact), i have been meaning to write about the unsaid “norms of normal” that make rounds in our society.

After delivering a child, I thought the most frequently asked questions would be something like “how are you?” “How does it feel?” “How’s the little one been doing” etc. But, surprisingly, the most asked questions were two:

1. Was it a normal delivery or a cesarean?

2. Is the baby on breast feed or formula?

Now, the problem here is not asking these questions. The problem lies in trying to judge a new mom on the basis of the answers that she gives.

I had a cesarean delivery. And it was normal for me. All deliveries are normal. Each body reacts differently to pregnancy and my recovery, weight loss and the entire journey was super smooth. So, by the time i hit the 45 day mark post delivery, I was fitting into my regular pre pregnancy jeans without having done any exercises and without starving myself. This was my journey. Its not good or bad. It’s just how my journey has been.

The thing that surprised me was, a lot of people (especially women) judged me for having lost the weight, came to the conclusion that since I have lost my pregnancy weight and I had a cesarean, I definitely am not breast feeding my child and hence, I am a “modern” mother with low parenting values.

This is an unsaid phenomenon in the society and I have faced it many a times be it at social gatherings, friends you bump into, relatives you meet etc.

Another amazing thing that I get is, people questioning my decision to have a single child. To substantiate their intrusive questions, they often end up telling me: but you had the baby through operation, you don’t even know what delivering a child means. So, you can have more kids!

Bravo! What logic. And I get this A LOT. I used to be confused in the beginning but when I finally realised the stupidity of the whole thing, I started answering back in my own way.

A couple of months ago, I was at a party where I met a new mother and I walked upto her and asked how she has been doing and how’s the baby been doing. Well, to tell you the truth, I wanted to tickle the cheeks of the infant (my kid is now 2 and I miss those early months). As we started talking, she shared with me how she has been judged for opting a cesarean and how women judge her for feeding formula to the child to the extent of calling her up and Whatsapping her their kid’s pictures when they were infants just to show how “healthy” they were because they were exclusively breastfed.

I wonder how fair is it to judge a new mother who is figuring things out, is exhausted and probably going through post partum depression or feeling exceptionally low, on the basis of the choices she makes. I wonder how justified it is to judge a woman who has been trying to feed her baby all night, is taking medication to increase the breast milk supply, is super exhausted, has backache from feeding and to take a break decides to give a formula feed to the child. And even if she is not exhausted, she is not having lactation or latching issues, she just needs a break for a while. Who is anyone to judge her?

We have no right to judge anyone for their choices. Why I had a cesarean is nobody’s business. How I take care of my child is nobody’s business, how many kids i choose to have is nobody’s business.

To strike a conversation and ask questions or to just suggest something or share experiences is normal and that’s how I have learned a lot of things in my initial days of being a mother. Frankly, I have come across some amazing women from all across the globe and have one of the best gang of girls who give very realistic and practical information and advices. But, a lot of people and women to be specific, try to get information for the sole purpose of judging a person and demeaning them by devaluing their choices, an act that is morally and ethically wrong

As women we go through a lot physically and mentally when we have a baby. It’s a roller coaster journey and each woman has her own journey and circumstances and choices. We need to be more inclusive and less intolerant about women who don’t fit a particular mould of a mother. I joined back work in 6 months post delivery and a lot of women judged me for having gone back to work “so soon”. There are so many judgements and so little compassion around the choices a woman makes that its a bit disheartening, to say the least.

What a person is going through, we don’t know. How much the person is trying, we dont know. Who has what medical conditions, we don’t know. Who is going through mental health issues like post-partum depression, we do not know. So, stop judging people by just looking at them. In fact, we should stop judging people completely. To each to it’s own, right? Lets respect people and their choices even if they don’t fit a particular social mould.

Lockdown Day – 9 Silver Lining

Lockdown Day – 8 Poem