So, I got a forward today that spoke about how a woman realised the hard way that her mother in law was not her mother and it was just a figure of speech when the mother-in-law said that her daughter-in-law is like her own daughter.
I seriously wonder how such huge misconceptions are accepted by our minds. Giving this whole thing a serious thought, i realised if I speak about my own life, my mother is someone who cleaned my poop, hugged me to sleep, kissed me on my cheeks, pacified me during board exams, listened to my stories that gushed out of me of the crushes i had and of a particular guy “looking my way” , went with me to all the stupid movies, listened to me when i fell in love, helped the nurse put a catheter in me before my delivery, changed my clothes post delivery and what not. Can i, as a woman love anyone else like i love my own mother? No. I can respect, love the person that my mother in law is, be protective of her, be with her, share secrets with her but, there would always be a difference between my mother and my mother in law.
Similarly, would i love anyone more than my own child? When my kid gets married, would i treat the spouse as my own child? Ofcourse not! I can call a spade a spade, speak in an unbiased fashion if the need be, i can correct my child and even take sides with my kid’s spouse if i find my offspring is wrong but, i would always be my kid’s mother. And the spouse would always be my child’s life partner and would never be my child.
In India, a lot is lost in translation due to the rampant use of figure of speech. Like, “Apna hi ghar samjho”. Try and go bag and baggage to a person’s house who says this and the whole “athithi devo bhavah” would fly out of the window. A lot of relatives say, “meri beti jaisi hai”. Try asking them to pay for your college fee and see them turning around and running with the speed of light. So, the bottom line is, relationships are not made overnight when a woman gets married. They take time to grow. Give them that time, dont expect a woman to act like your mother when you have a separate and special place for your mother in your heart. The same goes the other way too. Dont expect a girl to be your daughter when you have a special place in your heart for your own child.
In my opinion, by making the relationship of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law synonymous to a mother-daughter relationship, we strip this special alliance of its uniqueness. We take away the option of cultivating this relationship into something special by burdening it with undue expectations and unrealistic hopes and guidelines.
We can actually build and nurture this relationship in a beautiful manner if we set realistic ideas and approach it with enthusiasm and honesty and give this unique relationship the chance to develop into a unique bond that this association does deserve.
Cheers!
bohemian 