Lockdown Day – 7 It’s Okay

Some days are tougher than the others. There are times when I completely lose my calm. Surprisingly, I found solace in my 2 year old while I was cleaning the mess she had created in the living room and the dining space.

This 2 year old bundle walked upto me, hugged my legs, kissed me on my thigh and said “Mumma, its okay”.

I instantly smiled, sat down on the floor and hugged her tight.

I have no clue from where she has learned to say “it’s okay” and how she is using it so appropriately. Also, as a child, I think it’s very perceptive of her to notice me in distress and come up with the right set of words. All I could think of in that moment was, yeah, it’s okay and this too shall pass. It was actually what i needed to hear.

It’s okay to feel completely lost and I wonder how people with anxiety or depression are dealing with the situation right now. I dont know how people who tend to feel claustrophobic are handling their days.

All I can say is, it’s okay. The best thing to do right now in this situation is to reach out to people, to talk to people who might brighten up your day. Also, lets all be collectively vigilant about the ones who aren’t asking for help but have shut themselves up completely. Reach out, make efforts to stay in touch. Not everyone would speak up and speak out about what they are feeling. Just be there for someone. Even your presence without any words can make a whole lot of difference.

Hey there!

Throw back to May 2017 when this journey started

This journey has been amazing. From staring at the faint pink line sitting on the toilet seat to being breathtakingly happy to reminding myself not to skip the steps, to my office colleagues scolding me for running from one room to the other, to forgetting that i am pregnant and getting stuck in a narrow space, to borrowing my mom’s clothes, to eating like a dinosaur, to the pelvic pain, to craving chocolates so bad that my frn and his wife had to courier some from mumbai , to not being able to tie my shoe laces, to thinking the pain was not because of labor but because i ate too much, its all been fun!

Each pregnancy, each experience, each woman’s reaction to pregnancy is different and unique. What worked for me, how i coped might be something completely opposite to what worked for my friends.

Its okay to have new experiences, to freak out after reading horror stories on google, after not being able to locate ur own child on the sonography screen. Its okay to be temperamental, its okay to be so angry for no reason that you want to plot a murder of a random person, its okay to feel like a whale 🐋 in the heat and its totally okay to not fit in any of your favourite clothes, its okay to increase 1.5 kg per week in the last month, its okay to get almost kicked out of the sonography because of asking the gender of the kid, Its okay to pee every 5 minutes and screaming suddenly when you are in the middle of a conversation with someone when your kid decides to kick you right in your bladder! Trust me.. It is all okay!

For me, what worked was being active, going out, working and as much as possible, leading my life normally and being curiously happy about the whole thing.

Having a good gynaecologist is also very important. One who is patient enough to listen to your stupid questions which she probably hears 100 times a day and still is patient enough to ans your queries. Thankfully, i got a gynae who was a chilled out confident woman. My visits to her helped me a lot. She was very observant, took no risks but was always cool as a cucumber.

Keeping calm, enjoying and being damn positive does wonders. Also, keeping your humour intact makes the journey so much easier and fun! I mean, i even enjoyed the part where i was so off my balance that i was almost walking like a penguin and couldn’t walk on a straight line or the part where i was pooping green because of the iron supplements !🙈

I am a tall, skinny and lean person. Have always been and the idea of getting a bump thrilled me. For the first time in my life i was looking forward to having a big round belly! It came a bit late and good grace when it did come, it grew exponentially! Within no time i had a bump the size of a basketball and i flaunted it at every step. I never wore oversized baggy sad clothes or try to hide my bump with a scarf during my pregnancy and always dressed up smart and well. Being a jeans n t shirt kind of a person, i can literally live in them, which i continued to do even during my pregnancy and it was amazingly refreshing and totally me. It’s equally important not to loose your own identity and self. Because the happiness that comes from being your own self is precious and important.

And finally, it’s necessary to remember there is no such thing as a perfect pregnancy. Its okay if everything goes according to what we have planned and its also okay if they dont. Its okay to plan a normal delivery and end up in a c section as in my case ( my kid took the jaat genes rather seriously and was too adamant to come in the birthing position ).The base line is, everything is okay!

PS: its also okay to not choose this journey altogether. Its okay to not being able to embark on this journey for whatever reasons. Its okay to make a choice to give a home to a child that doesnt have one, its okay to choose your own happiness.